Picture this (представьте себе такое):

All the people in the gate area (все люди у входных дверей) came to a complete standstill (застыли), when they looked up and saw (когда они взглянули и увидели) the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! (как пилот выходит из самолета с собакой-поводырем) The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. (Летчик даже носил [темные] очки от солнца. Народ разбежался.).
They not only tried to change plane, (они не только пытались поменять самолет), but they were trying to change airlines! (но они пытались поменять авиакомпанию).

True story...(Правдивая история) Have a great day (счастливого вам дня)and remember... (и помните)

....THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR. (Вещи не всегда то, чем кажутся)

А теперь попробуйте перевести без подсказки:

A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs.'

Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered.
They not only tried to change plane, but they were trying to change airlines!
True story... Have a great day and remember...

....THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

***********************

Если кликнуть внизу на коричневый томик в полезных ссылках, появится окошко бесплатного перевода. Этот переводчик тем хорош, что он помогает прочитать текст на любом из указанных языков. Но бесплатно переводят и читают только до 1000 знаков. В нашем тексте побольше, поэтому нужно его разбить на две части.
Это метод обучения языку Ильи Франко. Но лично мне он приходил в голову много лет назад. Думаю, что в рамках форума - самый приемлемый. Его можно и усовершенствовать. Если появятся желающие, мы этим займемся.

http://www.oupchina.com.hk/dict/phonetic/home.html

Здесь же можно привыкнуть к английской транскрипции, чтобы суметь правильно прочитать слово в англо-русском словаре.

Все-таки идиомы и фразеологизмы - не для машинного перевода. Сейчас проверила, как наш метод работает. Кликнула на перевод на русский язык. И ведь машина так и перевела: "... не хотите ли выйти и протянуть ноги?" "Нет, спасибо, но, может, Бадди хочет выйти и протянуть ноги?"

Before (перед тем, как) going to Europe on business (отправиться по делам в Европу), a man (один человек) drove his Rolls-Royce (подъехал на своем Роллз-Ройсе) to a downtown New York City bank and went in(к банку в центре Нью-Йорк-Сити и зашел) to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000(чтобы попросить срочный заем в 5000 долларов).

The loan officer (служащий банка), taken aback (в замешательстве), requested collateral (попросил залог) and so the man said (и поэтому клиент сказал):, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce." («Ну в таком случае, тогда вот ключи от моего Роллз-Ройса».)

The loan officer promptly had the car driven (Служащий быстро доставил машину) into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping (в подземную парковку банка для надежного, безопасного хранения), and gave him $5,000 (и дал ему $5,000).

Two weeks later (двумя неделями позже), the man walked through the bank's doors (клиент вошел в, через двери банка) , and asked to settle up his loan (и попросил –закрыть его заем) and get his car back (и вернуть его машину). "That will be$5,000 in principal, (это будет 5,000 долларов основного долга) and $15.40 in interest" и 15 долларов 40 центов – процент за услуги) , the loan officer said.(сказал служащий банка). The man wrote outa check (клиент выписал чек) and started to walk away (и начал уходить).

"Wait, sir", the loan officer said, )(«Подождите, сэр,» сказал служащий банка) "while you were gone, (пока вас не было) I found out you are a millionaire (я выяснил, что вы миллионер). Why in the world(*) would you need to borrow $5,000?" (Зачем, почему вам надо было занимать 5,000 долларов?) The man smiled. (Посетитель улыбнулся). "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan («Где бы еще в Манхэттене я мог припарковать мой Роллз-Ройс) for two weeks (на две недели) and pay only $15.40? (и заплатить только 15 долларов 40 центов?»)
------------------------------
* in the world, еще on earth - эти словечки не переводятся, а служат для эмфатики, т.е. большей выразительности (зд.похоже на русское: Какого...? - только в вежливой форме. )

Пробуем перевести:

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral.
"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls Royce," the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.

"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone I learned that you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

To the citizens of the United States of America

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent
candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
immediately. (You should? look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary.)
? ? Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
Kansas , which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon
Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for
further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.? A
questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you noticed.

???To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

???1.? ???The letter "U" will be reinstated in words such
as "colour," "favour," "labour" and "neighbour."? Likewise, you will
learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the
suffix "-ize" will be replaced by the suffix -ise."? Generally, you
will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(Look up "vocabulary").

???2.? ???Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as '"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication.? There is no such thing as U. S.
English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.? The Microsoft
spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated
letter "u"' and the elimination of -ize."

???3.? ???July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

???4.? ???You will learn to resolve personal issues without using
guns, lawyers, or therapists.? The fact that you need so many lawyers
and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.
Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.? If you can't sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then
you're not ready to shoot grouse.

???5.? ???Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own r carry
anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit
will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

???6.? All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you
will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.? At the
same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the
benefit of conversion tables.???Both roundabouts and metrication will
help you understand the British sense of humour.

???7.? The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have
been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon.? Get used to it.

? ? 8. You will learn to make real chips.? Those things you call
French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on
calling potato chips are properly called crisps.? Real chips are
thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.

???9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all.? Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager.? Australian beer is also
acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation
on earth and it can only be due to the beer.? They are also part of
the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.? American brands
will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be
sold without risk of further confusion.

???10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors
as good guys.? Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors
to play English characters.???Watching Andie MacDowell attempt
English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience
akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

???11. You will cease playing American football.? There is only one
kind of proper football; you call it soccer.? Those of you brave
enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body amour like a
bunch of nannies).

???12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.? It is not reasonable
to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not
played outside of America???Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is
a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.? You will
learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take
the sting out of their deliveries.

???13. You must tell us who killed JFK.???It's been driving us mad.

???14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her
Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the
acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

???15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups,
with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality? biscuits (cookies)
and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen! PS:? ? Only share this with friends who have a
good sense of humour (NOT humor!)

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

"A bottle a day keeps the doctor away!"

Мне понравилось.

В оригинале: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away". ( Смысл: если съедать по яблоку в день, то врач будет не нужен).

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're nae twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'

***********

В Великобритании каждый час посылается более 1 млн текстовых сообщений, поэтому издатели краткого словаря английского языка (Concise Oxford Dictionary) решили включить наиболее употребимые выражения, используемые в сообщениях, в новое издание.

SMS, или краткие сообщения, помещены в специальный раздел. В разделе приводятся десятки примеров различных аббревиатур, которые стали частью языка среди молодых людей.
Примеры включают BBLR (be back later) буду позже, HAND (have a nice day) хорошего дня. Также в словарь вошли смайлики, мимические обозначения эмоций. Среди новых слов такие как minger неприятный человек, chowhand жадина, tweenies дети, пытающиеся выглядеть старше своих лет.

******************
Еще в тексте было употреблено модное ныне словечко chav - оно объединяет два слова в одно: cheap и vulgar. Так называют себя грубые и неотесанные молодые люди, пытающиеся дешевыми подделками дорогих фирм (например, ROLEX) пустить пыль в глаза.

Я попробовала дать вышестоящий текст на перевод нашему машинному переводчику, который означен внизу коричневым томиком. Кроме двух слов он все передал как мог за исключением minger и chav. Осталось ключевое сленговое и оч-чень популярное словечко shag, что означает, извините, трахать(ся).

Теперь юмор должен быть понятен.

Пробовал перевести со словариком? Я это к тому, что этот словарь очень хорошая штука. Там даже произношение есть базовых языков! Текст этот не совсем учебный. Женщина говорит безграмотно. Да и лексика не учебная.

Это просто понты, или она действительно отвыкла от русского языка?