A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
finally went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman returned to the doctor a month later for a re-check.

The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

SNORING ROOMMATE

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained.

"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

The father answers: 'Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a
date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had
used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine
months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll down...You'll love this....

'You got Male!''

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely
stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her
body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their
school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners
and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove
home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1
P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and
sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and
got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and
got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board
and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes
and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh
beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry,
bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P...M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get
through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt
by the bed and said: Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong
to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us
trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned
your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

(Voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year !)

Когда мой hubby лежал в больнице, я, глядя на его кровать и вспомнив американские кровати в больнице Бишкека, сказала:

- In our hospitals there are foreign beds.

Он, не веря:

- FOUR in beds?!!

Есть два образования. Одно учит нас, как зарабатывать на жизнь, а другое - как жить. (Джон Адамс)

Примечание: дословно should teach - следует учить.

The only cow in a small Iowa town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Wisconsin for $200. They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again. They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side, she walks away to the other side." The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Wisconsin?" The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."